Seasons & Scars

"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness. So I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

I find it so interesting how the seasons of the year often closely parallel the seasons of our life. Our loss of Ashley was our winter...my heart felt as though it was left a little colder...there was less excitement, less daydreaming, fewer smiles, more tears...

However, during that season, God provided warmth through friends and family and even through strangers. He reminded us constantly of his love and provisions. We were weak, but He was strong.

As the weather has begun to warm and the sun coaxes us outdoors, I feel as though God is warming my heart - thawing it out and preparing me as we approach the time when we will officially become foster parents again. Preparing us to love, comfort, and be a part of healing another family. Along with that comes more loss. That loss seems to get more difficult each time, but we take comfort in knowing that we are weak, but He is strong.

My thoughts are often on the idea of 'healing' these days. I am not simply wondering about this for Jaqueline, but for all of our children who have experienced a great loss at some point in their lives. As I drove to the cemetery this morning with flowers and balloons for Ashley's grave, I began to ask questions:

What does healing feel like?

What does healing look like?

Are we ever completely healed?

Does healing mean we forget?

The image of a wound came to mind. How do we heal physically? A paper cut or small scrape might heal without leaving any marks. We remember what they feel like, but easily forget specific incidences when they occur.

When deeper cuts begin to heal, they scab. Sometimes they reopen and when they do heal, there is usually a scar left as a reminder.

I think that deep emotional wounds are the same as those that are physical. At first our emotions are raw and then rough. Sometime they feel covered up, but then they reopen..sometimes when we least expect it. Finally, our emotions become more stable and normal, but there is always that reminder....that scar.

To be honest, this revelation was a huge comfort to me. No matter what....I want to keep all of the 'scars' that are left behind from the losses we have experienced. They are a reminder of how much we loved and what we lost. They are a reminder of times when we were so so weak, but made it through because of the strength and power of our great great God.

What an amazing God we have. He is a God who also has a Son with scars...scars that are a beautiful reminder of his sacrifice of love for us.

Thank you, God, for the many seasons we experience in life - both the winters and the springs.

Thank you, God, for my scars.