After our court hearing where it was decided for Z to return home, Z's grandmother invited me over to her house. What a gift that was! I brought the boxes of her clothing and toys up to her room, stayed a while, and then had to leave to pick David up.
THAT was a tough goodbye. She knew it was different. She is smart and we had prepared her (transition picture books, overnights, she helped us to pack, goodbye breakfast, etc.). She clung to me in the minutes prior to me leaving. I held her to the elevator and then handed her to her grandmother as I said goodbye. I can still picture her crying and reaching for me as the elevator doors shut. I may or may not have made it to my car before my own tears started flowing. I just kept picturing her little face as those doors closed.
God has obviously blessed us with the opportunity to remain in her life. We are so so thankful for this and love spending time with her and her grandmother. They have become our extended family. With continued visits comes more goodbyes. At first, the goodbyes were almost just as traumatic. We were, however, reassured that Z recovered quickly after we left.
This morning, a little over one year before our first 'goodbye,' we brought Z home after a wonderful weekend together. She was wanting to join us for church (maybe some day!), but as we left and hugs were exchanged, Z did not cry. She knows we will come back.
It saddens me that these little ones have too many big goodbyes in their lives. It brings me comfort, though, to know that Z's goodbyes to us will never be final. We hope and pray that we can be there for her whenever she needs us.
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