"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
My aunt recently shared this blessing with me...knowing the peace of Jesus.
I am reading and re-reading this verse tonight because I desire to be at peace. It is REALLY hard for me to not know where Jaqueline is or how she is doing. We have tried every way possible to get in touch with her to no avail. All I can think of is that if something horrible were to happen to her in Mexico...we would never know it. I do not like that.
At the same time, I know that it is not in my control and that she is protected and loved by her Heavenly Father more than I could ever protect and love her. This does bring me a sense of peace.
It is just harder today of all days.
Lee was so patient with me today...patient with my lack of patience with him and the kids. I was irritable because I was feeling sad. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone today...I would have liked to just sit alone and remember and cry, but it's ok.
A's visit with his grandparents was this morning. It went well and it was nice to meet them. A is attaching to me. I can tell because he is seeking me for comfort over his family members. This has happened with our other little ones and I'm not surprised because we have spent so much time together this past month. He also imitates EVERYTHING David does and David just so happens to like to be around me. I suppose it kind of makes me like a toy that they fight over because there is only one of me and if David wants me...then I must be something worthwhile:).
Anyway, we learned that they are going to seek custody of A. Placement with relatives is always goal #2 after placement with birth parent. Better now than later, but it is still hard to think of him leaving...I don't like it. It would be counted a success by social services if it happens and works out. In fact, we have seen two of our little ones placed with family members and we are still in touch with them and love them all. Still...I don't like to think about him leaving. He has so many changes in his short life.
This brings me to the topic of 'Best Interest.' Have there ever been times when a child is returned to his/her family and you wonder....is this really in their best interest? I think of A and how much progress he has made. I look into his dark eyes and see him soaking in everything around him...I see the love and joy and security in those eyes so much more than the sadness I used to see as I held him and rocked him to sleep.
Alright. I think I'll stop here because I could try to explain why A should be here versus anywhere else, but it isn't for me to decide. God knows where he needs to be and I trust His plans for A's life. How could I not? He so clearly taught me about the magnitude of His love for His children through Jaqueline and Ashley.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
You could tell by the way A and David connected with each other that they would make excellent brothers. It is sad to hear that A may place with his relatives. Grandma and I were talking about the situation last night, and we both came to the same conclusion. That conclusion is A should stay with you guys. He knows you guys and it would break his heart, but the decision is not ours to make though. You are so correct that God is in sole control of the situation. I pray that God's will plays out in the matter. Love you guys.
ReplyDeleteIn Christ,
Joshua :)