Transition Day 10

Little D: "Kaari, I am sad."

Me: "Why are you feeling sad, sweetheart?"

Little D: "Because you are leaving."

And in his mind, I am. I am the one who is leaving. 

It was the first morning that was pretty hard for him. He didn't want to eat or drink. Those of you who know him know that this is a big deal. I held him and rocked him and gave him his water like I was feeding a baby. He drank. I fed him a few spoonfuls of cereal. As soon as I mentioned leaving to go to the hotel, he started scratching. Once we arrived, however, he was fine. As happy as can be. He is just craving stability. I am sure he is.

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Former Pre-School Teacher: "Did Little D leave already?"

Me: "He leaves the country next week."

Former Pre-School Teacher: "Oh, I missed him so much today. He was such a sweet little boy. He was the only one who would say my name and I would take care of him because of his allergies. He would say, "Mrs. ___, I am itchy." and I would help him. Please tell him that I love him and miss him."

Our sweet boy was well loved by so many. This means so much to us and I know it will mean so much to him when he reads all of the notes of love and care that will be sent with him. 

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Tonight is the last night Little D will sleep in his bed. The last night I will sing to him and tuck him in and give him hugs and kisses before he drifts off to sleep.

The worries and questions are starting to creep in and it takes a conscious effort to give them to God and trust Him to protect our little guy - physically and emotionally.

His eczema is starting to flare up. It is tough. I expected it to happen and it could be so much worse so I am just trying to let it go. It is out of my control.

How I feel: To be honest - sad and a little scared for him. It will be alright, I am sure. And I long for that day in the future when hopefully they send us sweet pictures of him smiling with his brother and family. Until then, I need to find my peace and hope somewhere other than my circumstances. Tomorrow, I resolve to fill this house with prayer for all my boys.

How the boys feel: Anthony continues to do an excellent job talking about how he feels. I am so proud of him. We had a few group hugs today. It was nice. David is an emotional mess at night when we pick up the little guy. He finally opened up and said he was sad, but I'll admit that the whining and the tantruming until that time left a lot to be desired.

How Little D. feels: Lee and I both agreed that we had never seen him as sad as he was this morning. Man...this is hard. He is understanding more and feeling the stress of it more.