Why & How

There is so much that I want to share about this process with A. It is intriguing to observe how children react to being separated from their birth parents and then process that loss as they continue to have visits and say goodbye over and over again. I learn something new with each child and I don't ever want to forget it, which is why I try to write it down. Normally, I keep a journal about my personal responses to everything. That... along with the extensive notes that are included in our monthly report to social services lends to pretty decent documentation of the process. Today, I'll just share my thoughts on this blog since some of you may have your own opinion, observations, or suggestions!

After A's first, second, and third visit and goodbye, I was slightly tempted to say, "This is just too hard on him...what if it is causing more harm than good?" I didn't really believe that and even if I did...I don't really have a say, BUT I'm thankful that we persevered because today I am finally observing WHY it is important to maintain these strong bonds for A. However, just as important as the why...is the HOW.

 WHY:
* A has seen his mom often this past week. Because of this, he seems much more calm and easily reassured when we say 'goodbye' because he knows that it won't be long before he sees her again. 
* A needs to maintain his attachment with his mom in order to make his transition back home with her a more successful one.
* A's attachment to me is developing and it is important to see both his mom and I together and interacting in a positive manner. This leads me to the HOW...

HOW:
* It isn't always easy or comfortable, but I firmly believe in the great importance of foster parents developing a relationship with birth parents. These children NEED to see that both of the people who care for them are connected in some way...it brings about reassurance and strengthens their bond to both sets of parents.
* Visits are better in the child's natural environment rather than at social services. It's true...I saw a huge difference in A today when the visit was in a familiar home.
* It isn't in the child's best interest to be transported by a stranger after a visit. We had someone secured to do this since David is typically with me and the visits are a little later in the afternoon...making it for a long day for both boys. However, I've declined to use this service because A needs me most after a visit...he doesn't need to be crying in a car with some stranger.

So there you have it- the WHY and the HOW. You can be sure to expect other posts about maintaining child/birth parent attachment through difficult visitation situations in the future as they are not all going to be this easy!