Avoiding Children's National Medical Center in DC.
Avoiding certain songs.
Avoiding thinking about certain experiences.
Avoiding my winter coat.
Thankfully, God knows what I need more than I do. Perhaps that is why I conveniently left my warm coat alternatives at school these past few days. Perhaps that is why the temperature dropped today. Perhaps that is why my dad needed me to drive into DC to pick him up tonight.
I had no choice and so I put it on. I didn't really want to, but there really weren't any other alternatives. I wore my winter coat, I felt the chill in the air, we drove into DC, I met one of my dad's colleagues who brought it up, I listened to a certain song on the way home.....and then I just quit trying to avoid it and allowed myself to cry.
It's weird. Certain memories that I thought I had forgotten were suddenly flashing through my mind in vivid pictures....Ashley's smile that was almost like a reflex when we would touch her lips with that swab...the waiting and praying...and the diagnosis. The 1% chance....the struggle with acceptance...the feeling of desperation when we didn't know if Jaqueline would make it here.
Who knew God could use my winter coat to push me out of avoidance?
"So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." 1 Peter 5:6
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