Different

I remember the last transition. I knew what I had to do and so I did it. I went through the motions while my heart felt as though it was literally breaking inside of me. It was very difficult. 

This time is different. 

His daddy loves him very much and it is time for them to be together. 

It is different, but that doesn't make it easy. 

I feel his tight hugs and see the way he looks into my eyes as he seeks reassurance that I am always here for him. I remind him that our hearts are alway connected because we love each other and that doesn't change even when we can't see each other. 

Even so, my heart aches because I know that there is very little chance I will ever feel those hugs or see that look again. 

BUT then God reminds me that He brought Little D back into our family on purpose. It was literally a miracle and I am rejoicing for this second chance to love him and rejoicing for this opportunity to connect with his family so that perhaps one day....one day....we will get to see him in person again and thank God for all He has done in our sweet boy's life. 

It is a still a loss, it is still hard to say goodbye, but I am grateful that this time it is different.