Transition Day 5 (Part 1)

In six months, the only time Little D. and I have been apart are for his therapy sessions or during preschool. There are other times too, but he is still at home and it is usually with Lee watching him.

While he doesn't cling to me when I leave, I think it does give him anxiety and he tends to be less of his spunky happy self after those times.

When we have time off, it makes a huge difference. I noticed it first around Christmas. We had three calm weeks just as a family at home together and by the end of those weeks, his skin was clear and he was so much happier and more content. Much less irritable.

That is why this snow storm was such a blessing. We basically had two full weeks together and by the end of that time, he was so cheerful and his skin was completely clear again. It was perfect timing for his dad to arrive.

Today he visited with his dad all by himself at the hotel. He was excited and said goodbye to us all easily.

It was weird to be without him. Definitely easier, but weird. We all went out to breakfast and talked about how we were feeling about the whole transition and what exactly was going to happen in the upcoming week.

By the time we picked him up, he was definitely feeling tired and cranky. He gave me a hug and was sad about leaving some of his toys there even with the reassurance that he would be back this afternoon to play with them. He was scratching a lot more. He was quiet on the way home, but by the time we arrived home, he was his happy, 'at ease', self.

He loves being with his dad - I just think that the back and forth is stressful for him. It is good for them to be alone together as well. Even though it is probably harder for everyone, it gives him a chance to seek his dad out for comfort and all of his needs.

How I feel: I'm ok. The "hanging in there" kind of ok. There have been many more moments of reflection about all that I will miss when he is gone. I haven't returned to the place of bursting into tears at the sight of his toys and books and bed....hoping and praying that it will wait until after he is gone so that I can still be fully emotionally available to him and the big boys.

How the boys feel: I asked them both today what their thoughts were about continuing to do foster care. Did they want to take a break? Did they want to stop? Did they want to continue? David responded with a very firm and enthusiastic, "Of course I still want to do foster care. It is what our family does. If we didn't do it, it would be like breaking a family rule." Haha. Wow. He certainly feels strongly about that. Anthony's eyes glazed over and he became nervous (like he normally does during these types of conversations) and he said that he would like to take a break. He then looked forlorn and so I asked him how he was feeling. "Sad and disappointed," he said. I was thinking that this was a breakthrough and he was finally sharing about how he feels regarding Little D. leaving....imagine my disappointment when it was revealed that he was sulking about losing his Legos last month. Ok. A little disappointing, but not surprising as he seems to be focusing a lot on himself lately. Sometimes I can go with it, but other times it leaves me just shaking my head.

How Little D. feels: I think he would love for his dad to just be here with us all day instead of having the back and forth, but he is hanging in there. We are so thankful that he is able to express his needs quite well. His skin is starting to flare up again, but hopefully it can be controlled and maintained enough during this time. It is what it is and we are just here to love and support as best we can while slowing letting go of the control we had as his parents.