Wanna Know What Grieving Looks Like in 4 & 5 Year Olds?

Cause I have seen more than my share today alone!

If I didn't trust that God was going to use this all for good...I'm not sure I could do this.

And I do trust Him and I will pray hard for my boys. I pray that (A) will at some point understand and feel Christ's unconditional love for him....our unconditional love for him and transfer this trust to his mom and allow himself to love so that he doesn't feel anger.

So today, grieving looks like anger and sadness for my 4 year old. He complains of pains in his body and cries big tears over little things...today was an INTENSE day for him. He knows that there is uncertainty because he asked and I wasn't about to lie to him. I hate that my 4 year old spends his time worrying about where he is going to live and who is going to be his mom. Ugh!

As much as I hate it, though, and I know many may use this as an excuse to not want to be foster parents.....it is his reality and he DESERVES someone to love him through it and someone to risk breaking their hearts for HIM.

I pray that my 5 year old will be brave enough to continue risking his own heartbreak by loving others who need it most.

Today, grieving came in the form of great big tears and inconsolable crying as my 5 year old struggled to relax in my arms during nap time because he missed his brother (visit day) and wanted him to come home. 

Despite all of these strong emotions and feeling a little exhausted myself, I am THANKFUL..

...thankful that my husband no longer travels and so the boys don't have to feel insecure about him going anywhere
...thankful that God allowed me to have a day without strong emotions so that I could effectively help my boys process theirs
...thankful that "His faithful love endures forever" and that I am not the one in control (even though I might struggle with wanting to be!)