If I had MY way...

If I had MY way, (A) would become a part of our forever family. I imagine it more than I should.

With David, I never really allowed myself to think about his future with our family, I just lived in the moment. He was very much a part of us and it was painful to think otherwise, but we truly took it one day at a time.

With (A), I picture what our life might be like when the boys are both teenagers. I don't idealize life. I recognize that it will be very difficulty, but I want it- challenges and all.

Without (A), I just don't even know what that would be like. I know it would be REALLY quiet, I know that David would need therapy after losing his brother, I know that we would probably re-think fostering for a short time and then persevere knowing that God has called us to serve his children.

If I had MY way, though, (A) would become our forever son.

I've learned, however, that MY way is not always the best way. I know for a fact that GOD'S way is always the best- no fail. Of course, it doesn't always feel like that in the moment.

And so I am once again asking God to help me entrust (A)'s future into his hands rather than trying to carry him in my own.