Rebuilding

(A) has this tendency to break things. It is never out of anger or with any malicious intent....he just tends to break things. Just like he has a tendency to cover himself with his food at every meal if we aren't watching. Not because he is playing, but because he just doesn't have the awareness to feel that his mouth is full, that his hands are full, that the food is falling or dripping...

Yesterday, (A) was given a little toy with movable arms. Two minutes later- the arm is broken. He is upset because the arm is broken. He was the one who broke it.

Yesterday, (A) got a fun tattoo and he was so excited and proud of it. Two minutes later- the tattoo was scratched off. He was upset because his tattoo was scratched off. He was the one who scratched it.

This morning, David was building with Legos and (A) knocked them down. We talked about asking the other person if they want their building to be broken down. He was given a warning that he if knocked them down again...he would sit in time out. One minute later- time out. Try again. One minute later- time out.

A few minutes after that, I found David's same small toy with the arm broken. (A) had broken that one too. 

I was beginning to feel so frustrated and confused as to why he was constantly breaking things. I set the boys up with a video and took a quick shower. I prayed, "God, help me to be patient. I just don't understand why (A) has this compulsion to destroy the things that he likes and that others like. Please help me understand because I am feeling so frustrated."

God answered clearly and it was one of those "Ah Hah!" moments.

(A) will probably continue to break things. In fact, as he grows older, because of his history and experience with loss, he may very well compromise relationships that he is in. I can't control this, but I CAN help to teach him how to FIX what he has broken. I can help to teach him how to REBUILD what he has knocked down. That way...when situations arise (which they inevitably will) when he has broken something else....he will know how or have the desire to attempt to fix it rather than just throw it away.

This lesson brought me back to part of the passage in Isaiah 58 that God used to confirm that we were to become foster parents:

"If you put an end to oppression, to every gesture of contempt, and to every evil word;¹⁰ if you give food to the hungry and satisfy those who are in need, then the darkness around you will turn to the brightness of noon.¹¹ And I will always guide you and satisfy you with good things. I will keep you strong and well. You will be like a garden that has plenty of water, like a spring of water that never goes dry.¹²  

Your people will rebuild what has long been in ruins, building again on the old foundations. You will be known as the people who rebuilt the walls, who restored the ruined houses.

I am praying that God helps us to not only teach (A) about 'rebuilding,' but also gives us the love and grace and patience to help heal and restore him and his family.