I Want More

There are times when Lee and I find ourselves wondering what it might be like to have a family where we are fairly certain that all the members will stay...a family that isn't so deeply affected by loss.

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Yesterday was a special day. It was David's birth mom's birthday. We called and left her a singing message:).

Tomorrow we will be celebrating with her. David decided that he wanted to give her the framed picture on his dresser (the one with her, his big brother, and him when he was a baby). I tried explaining that she had one like that and it was his, but he was certain- that was her birthday present. Ok then!

Tonight, I sat down and looked through his photo album.

There he was at 3 months old...all that hair. I remember how he would become so much more animated with his birth mom or when Lee spoke to him in Spanish.

There he was at 6 months old...I remember him reaching for me and screaming during his entire one hour visit. His birth mom wanted me close by for the next visit...it really upset her to see him like that.

There he was at 15 months old....little Z hugging him, Lee holding them both and reading to them.

I stopped here for a moment and clearly recalled the intense emotion of preparing to say goodbye to him. 

Then saying goodbye to Z.

There he was at 2 years...ridiculously happy and crazily climbing on top of his big brother. Z and C were pictured at his birthday party.

The photo album ends there, but I found my mind wandering...

What a journey this has been so far. So many beautiful lives have touched ours and so many unexpected relationships have resulted.

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Tonight I realized that although life might feel 'easier' if we didn't ever have to say goodbye to our little ones or have to support each other through the grief...I WANT MORE.

I cannot imagine my life without all of the special people who have entered in and forever changed us. God has used each and every one to teach us, bring us closer to him....and the loss, the sacrifice of security and comfort in knowing who is going to stay and who is going to leave? How much more did Christ sacrifice for us? Because he loves us.

And if this is how we get a glimpse into that incredible sacrifice....I want that.