Parents Dealing with Death

I'm no expert on this subject, but yesterday I spent about four hours with families who had lost children. As one mother shared her story and got to the part where her 8 month old daughter passed away, she said something that struck me. It struck me because I had heard Jaqueline say the same thing as she said goodbye to Ashley.

"Thank you, Ashley, for the blessing of being your mother."

Many of the parents I spoke to felt as though the time they had with their children was a gift. They didn't focus on the unfairness of it...they instead shared about how they cherish all of the memories they have. I'm sure they must have moments when they ask 'why?,' but I was touched by how humble they were as they shared that they were simply thankful to have had the privilege of being that child's mother or father.

As foster parents, there are times when the experience of a loss of a child feels very similar to the death. Many children in foster care have to deal with more loss in their short lives than many adults will ever have to experience. So how do they deal with 'death' and how can we help them?

Here are some 'needs' listed on a handout from yesterday. I have found that one of the best things we can do as we mourn a loss is to recognize that it is OK to experience a wide range of emotions...and that it doesn't just end after a certain amount of time. It cycles.

Need 1: Acknowledging the reality of the death

Need 2: Embracing the pain of the loss

Need 3: Remembering the person who died

Need 4: Developing a new self-identity

Need 5: Searching for meaning

Need 6: Receiving ongoing support from others

Need 7: Reconciling your grief (the journey does not end, but the grief gives rise to a renewed sense of meaning and purpose)

Here is a verse that I am currently praying for Jaqueline. I also pray this for all of the children who are needlessly suffering and feel as though there is no one to help them. Please join me if you feel led:

"Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them. You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so mere people can no longer terrify them." Psalm 10:17-18