This happened somewhat by accident. When Z transitioned home we made her a slideshow and it took me days to find just the right song to go with it. Finally, I heard it on the radio and willed myself to remember the name. I forgot. Of course.
I think I must have stayed up half the night searching for that song until I found it. It was just the background music for her DVD, but it was important to me that the song was just right. Every time I heard that song (By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North) I thought of her. Don't ask me why...well, if you must I suppose I could explain.
God called us to become foster parents to teach us about His love for us. He loves without condition and we are called to do the same. It was difficult for me to bond with Z initially- probably because she was far from bonded to me. She wanted her mom and I wasn't her mom. I prayed so hard that God would help me to love her as my own and by the time she left....there was no doubt- she had her place firmly in my heart.
The words to that song: "I love you, I want you to know...that I ...I love you. I'll never let you go. And I'll be by your side wherever you fall. In the dead of night..whenever you call. Please don't fight, these hands that are holding you." More than anything I wanted her to know that I was there and I would be there no matter what. More than anything I wanted her to know that I was not the only one who would be there no matter what...
Ok, back to the music. So Z went home and every once in a while I would play the song while David and I were home. Sometimes I would get teary-eyed while I listened to it. Then one day, out of the blue...my amazingly perceptive 20 month old son looks at me and asks, "Dat Z's song?" Wow. He knew!
It was then that I realized that he needed a way to remember too. And so we have a song for Z, a song for his big brother, a song for C (I'll talk about this little guy later), a song for Jaqueline, and a song for Ashley. And if I must admit...David has independently chosen songs for his doctor and one of his teachers. Not sure why, but he must care about them:).
We now purposefully choose a song before our loved ones return home so that they can hear it over and over again and think of us after they leave!
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