October 28th

Exactly two years ago today, (A) joined our foster family. It was around 8pm when I first got a look at those beautiful brown eyes. He had no idea what was going on and must have been so scared and confused.  I remember holding him and rocking him. He just stared at me until he fell asleep.

It didn't hit me until this morning that this day has such significance. And so he had a visit with his mom (after a long absence) on the same day that he first said goodbye to her in 2010. 

We told him about the visit this morning and he was happy and excited. I explained that we would be having visits with our whole family....all together just like we do with David's Mommy N. He seemed fine with it.

Of course, as the time approached, it was David who wasn't doing well. We haven't seen a tantrum like the one he threw since this summer when (A) was having somewhat regular visits. Interesting. Unfortunately, he had to stay behind with Lee, but perhaps it was better that way....I don't know.

With the approaching storm, I was praying with all my might that it wouldn't rain so that we could go to the pumpkin patch together. Wouldn't you know it, the rain stayed away until (A) and I were on our way home!

So we went to the pumpkin patch together and then got some hot chocolate from Starbucks. (A) had a great time and as we were driving in the car together, he cheerfully commented, "I have my two mommy's in my car!"

As we were driving to drop his mom off, (A) requested that I turn up the radio. I obliged and was silent as I heard the words to the song. It was my song for (A)...although he doesn't know it. He has his own song that we listen to and sing, but this one has a deeper meaning and I always think of him when I hear it.

"All of Me" by Matt Hammitt.

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

(Chorus)
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you

Chorus

Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
---------

I wondered if she was listening to the words and thinking of him too....

November 16th. No matter what happens, I pray that God helps us all to love him recklessly because he is worth it.