Sure, all of the experiences have helped me to know what superficial things I can do to help process the loss (for me and the boys), but the emotions involved in loving and letting go...it doesn't get easier.
Why not?
Because with each goodbye, you grieve all of the others before...
As I held sweet Baby C and rocked him to sleep tonight for the last time, I cried. I cried because I love him with all my heart and it hurts to let go.
Then my mind wandered back to the other goodbyes...
(Z) reaching out and crying for me as I left her.
Ashley peacefully lying in her mother's arms after passing away.
Jaqueline holding me tight as we hugged before she boarded the plane back to Mexico...without Ashley.
This was important for me to realize because it helps me to better understand my boys and how their early experiences with loss causes them to be more acutely aware of it in everyday life.
Of course, I might feel rather depressed if this is where things ended, but the truth is...the pain in saying goodbye yields blessings beyond what we can imagine. I am so thankful that I have a God who is in the business of healing hearts.
As we face the goodbye tomorrow, I pray that our family takes comfort in knowing that Baby C, just like all the others we have said goodbye to, is protected by a God who considers him precious in his sight.
This was important for me to realize because it helps me to better understand my boys and how their early experiences with loss causes them to be more acutely aware of it in everyday life.
Of course, I might feel rather depressed if this is where things ended, but the truth is...the pain in saying goodbye yields blessings beyond what we can imagine. I am so thankful that I have a God who is in the business of healing hearts.
As we face the goodbye tomorrow, I pray that our family takes comfort in knowing that Baby C, just like all the others we have said goodbye to, is protected by a God who considers him precious in his sight.
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