Better Than I Thought

I don't know what I would do without my husband. No idea. He offered to take (A) to the hospital bright and early last Friday morning and let me sleep in a little. It was such a gift. He has been blessing me left and right with how much he is helping with the boys....and they love it too!

Today, however, it was my turn to bring (A) in for another appointment. It went so much better than I thought. We drove into the parking lot and I purposefully parked in a different location than I had usually parked while Ashley was there. Walking into a different entrance was also helpful. (A)'s appointments were in different areas of the hospital and I didn't pass any of the 'Family Waiting Room's' that I semi-lived in almost two years ago. It helped to make new memories.

The only time I had to pause and gather myself was when we passed a familiar hallway. It wasn't familiar because we spent a lot of time there, but it was familiar because it was where they kept her body after. It was where we had to go to request that they look for a blanket that we left with her.

I spoke with Jaqueline tonight!! What a gift. Lee kindly called, chatted, and interpreted for a little while. He then had to head off to bed and so Jaqueline and I had to 'tough it out'...forcing me to access and use my '6 + years of Spanish Class' skills that seemed to be hiding in some dusty old file cabinet in my brain:). She felt the same way trying to use her English. Let's just say there was a lot of, "Como se dice?" on both of our parts! It was really nice, though. For the first time in a really long time...I heard Jaqueline. Part of me wants so desperately to be able to communicate in a more sophisticated way....part of me wishes I was able to understand her when she asked if we could bring a copy of Ashley's death certificate, but then another part of me realizes that our closeness and connection doesn't rely on how well we communicate with words. In fact, our closeness and connection might very well rely on our lack of communication with words!

What an example of how God's power is made perfect in our weaknesses! Jaqueline suffered through a lot while she was with our family and in those times...I was able to be with her physically, but unable to say very much. Isn't that what we often need when we are grieving? Someone to just BE THERE. In the Bible, when Job was suffering, his friends helped him the most by just being with him and not saying a word. It was when they opened their mouths and spoke that they messed it all up.

Anyway, I am not always the best at keeping my mouth shut, but God knew just how to take care of that. He knew just what Jaqueline needed.

As we ended our conversation, I could almost picture her walking into the room to be with Ashley as we said, "Buenas noches!" I cannot wait to hug her and cry and be with her as she welcomes her new child into this world. If you can, please pray that God takes away her fears and that as she delivers this new baby in the same hospital in Mexico where Ashley almost died....that her new experience would help balance the pain of the old and that everything will go better than she thought.