3 year old Processing Loss

I continue to be intrigued by how David, now three years old, continues to process his losses.

We were able to see his big brother yesterday and it was wonderful! The boys had a blast together and we left feeling happy and exhausted. David still mentions his mommy Ninfa when we see his big brother. He definitely connects them and I need to start preparing for the day when he asks why his brother can't see his birth mommy too.

David became more sensitive after Saturday- asking for more hugs and just seeming a little unsettled. I knew it was because he was feeling tired from all of the events, but I also had this feeling that he was subconsciously dealing with the loss that he must feel every time we say goodbye to his brother or mom.

As a three year old, David's understanding of life is broadening...he is beginning to grasp more complex concepts...he is questioning and wanting to know more about everything and anything.

This morning we were driving to school, stuck in traffic (no surprise there!), when David inquired, "What is in Ashley's nose?"

Now, this may seem like a strange question, but I knew what he was referring to because we had had a conversation about it before. In our living room we have a picture of Jaqueline holding Ashley for the first time when she finally arrived in DC. Ashley was in the hospital and had a feeding tube placed through her nose into her stomach. The nurse had placed some tape in the shape of a heart to hold it in place.

M: "Ashley had a feeding tube in her nose, David. She needed it to eat, but she doesn't need it anymore."

D: "She doesn't need it anymore? Where is Ashley?"

M: "You tell me."

D: "Ashley's in heaven with Jesus...she's wearing a hat."

M: "That's right, she's in heaven with Jesus and she was wearing a hat at her memorial service, but I don't think she will need it in heaven. What do you think Ashley is doing in heaven? Do you think Jesus is giving her lots of hugs?"

D: "I don't know, but when is Ashley going back to her mommy?"

M: "Well, Ashley's staying in heaven and then Jaqueline will one day be in heaven with her too."

D: "I don't want to go to heaven."

This was a hard one to respond to. For one reason...when a three year old makes up his mind- it isn't easy to change it! For a second reason...while David is beginning to question the abstract, he still needs concrete answers to fully comprehend and it isn't the easiest task to explain heaven in concrete terms.

I thought about this a lot, though, and you know...if my understanding of heaven was simply that I was separated from the people who cared for me and loved me most- I wouldn't want to go either!

I pray that as David grows older, we will be able to teach him about his heavenly Father. A Father who loves him and cares more about him than anyone else. I pray that our love for David can serve as a glimpse into how Jesus loves him. Because unless you know who is waiting for you in heaven, it doesn't make much sense to want to go there.

"For this reason they are before the throne of God, and worship him day and night within his temple, and the one who is seated on the throne will shelter them.

They will hunger no more, and thirst no more; the sun will not strike them, nor any scorching heat; for the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd,

and he will guide them to springs of the water of life, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Rev. 7:15-17