Burdens

We had a visit this morning and both David and Anthony came along. I am really amazed by them. While waiting, they sat and read books to themselves and during the visit, they played chess and listened to books. They were more patient than I was!

At the end of the visit, I stepped out to talk with the supervisor and when I came back in, Anthony approached me with tears in his eyes. He said he was sad about a game, but I knew that wasn't true as he came close to me and needed a hug. As I looked at his downcast face in the backseat...I asked if maybe he was sad about something else. He nodded his head to say yes. I told him we could talk about it when we got home.

My heart felt heavy as I thought about all of the hurt and loss that my boys (especially Anthony and Little D) have experienced. I realized that part of being their mom requires me to take on their burdens and help them process and heal. It feels like a lot sometimes. Then God brought this verse to mind:

^{Matthew 11:28} “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Just as I desire to carry their burdens for them, God desires to do the same for all of us. And so I prayed and lifted up their burdens to Him, knowing that our souls will find rest.

Milk

Tonight, when I set Little D's milk down on the table, he looked up at me with his big eyes, touched his lips to prompt for the /m/ sound and said, "mmmilk!"

I couldn't stop laughing.

If you wanted proof that our little man has a speech pathologist for a foster mom - there it is!

Making Adjustments

I typically go grocery shopping without my boys. I usually go on the weekend so that Lee can stay home with them and I pick up what we need for the week.

For the first time in my life, I have started a meal plan (4 weeks worth of meal plans to be exact). I am sure my husband is still shocked by the fact that I am cooking:).

Anyway, the momentum is there, but I have encountered a challenge. How does one go shopping with three boys? Ok, it is doable. I could do it, but it is stressful and it is one more thing 'to do' when we have a week filled with appointments and visits.  You might be thinking that I could just leave all three with Lee. Yes, I could...except our poor Little D is still afraid of Lee and becomes very upset when I step away from him. I don't want to know what he would do if I actually left the house. He doesn't need that stress...he has had too much already.

So I decided on my way home from church today that I am going to spend the extra money to go grocery shopping online and have it delivered. And I did! And it was awesome. And it will be delivered tomorrow morning! Isn't that just the best thing ever? Yes, I am a little too excited about that, but you have no idea what a relief it is to not have to find the time to get to the store:). Or maybe you do.

My next two challenges are:

1) Homeschooling with a toddler
 - My goal is to attempt one subject each day this week.

2) Rearranging the boys' room so that the toddler can sleep in there with them
- My goal is to start this during his nap time if by some miracle he naps without me in the room

Ahhh....now comes the hard part

The tears finally came. I had a feeling that they would.

David said he was feeling sad, but didn't know why. I mentioned that perhaps they had something to do with Little D.

Yes, they did...he is sad because he doesn't want him to leave.

Oh, how their hearts love so completely - despite all of the loss they have already experienced in their short lives.

I'm not sure if it will be this way for them, but for me it seems like each goodbye gets harder.

They know what to expect and in a way that has helped them this time around, but it can also produce greater challenges when you look too far ahead and remember how it hurt to say goodbye.

I pray that God uses this experience to help remind us that He is trustworthy.

"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

Teaching Time!

Now that Little D is feeling a little more at home, he is starting to test out his boundaries. That is a good thing and exactly what he should be doing for his age. 

Today brought back memories as I tried out an old teaching strategy I used with David when he was little. It worked just as well as it did five years ago. 

I call it...the "NO / YES" strategy. 

Our little one likes to throw cars. So I pick up a car and pretend to throw it and say 'Nooooo' while shaking my head. Then I drive the car on the carpet, smile, and say 'Yes!' I repeat this a couple of times and then give the little man a car to see what he will do. When he plays with it the right way he gets lots of cheers:). 

Highlight of the day: Anthony smiling from ear to ear as he announced that Little D gave him SIX hugs! 

Challenge of the day: Toddler-proofing our house. It must be done, but I need someone with great ideas to tell me how. 

Chuckle for the day: The pharmacist asking me if all three kids were mine and then asking if I had a nanny. When I told her 'no' she looked shocked. Really? Are three kids really that big of a deal? 

Thankful Thought of the day: David and Anthony have been so amazing. Those boys impress me to no end. They are great listeners most of the time, are so so helpful, and are really good big brothers. 

Humbled

There are moments when I am instantly struck with how God has given us such an incredibly big and important responsibility to our new little man. 

The intensity of his loss and how he is expressing it breaks my heart daily. 

I count it as a huge privilege that.... 

...he feels safe enough with me to want me to hold him almost all the time. 

...he feels comfortable enough to want to sleep on me rather than in his crib

...he shares his adorable, sly, smiles with me

Please pray that we lean on Him to provide us with the love, wisdom, and skills needed to help Little D heal. 

In Your Arms

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 33:27

It is the middle of the night and I have been contemplating the safety of God's arms over these past hours as mine grew heavy from the weight of a sleeping toddler. He felt safe there - no where else and so there he stayed. Until, just moments ago I was able to gently settle him down.

I am praying that God uses this image and feeling to remind me to seek HIS comforting arms when I feel weary or afraid over these upcoming weeks.

And so I introduce you to the newest members of our foster family - Little D!

I can't really share too much, but boy is he a sweetheart with a great smile and laugh. With some little ones you feel an instant connection and with others it takes time and prayer. Little D happens to be one who instantly stole my heart.

David and Anthony are thrilled, but I know this is going to be yet another hard goodbye. They love so willingly and I pray that they never lose that.

Ironically, Lee and I are reading that devotional - Ready or Not by Pam Parish. It is excellent and has been great preparation for this time....it is also the perfect phrase as we temporarily expand to a family of FIVE again!