Intense

I'll be honest, sometimes I wonder if I am cut out for this. Sometimes I feel like God should have called someone else...someone more bold...someone with more energy and stamina...someone other than me.

Then I realize...God's power is made perfect in our weakness and goodness knows I have enough of that SO...I try to just let go and let Him work.

Last night, in between baths for the boys, I called David's birth mom. Lee and I thought that we might be able to get together with her tonight since it has been a while. She answered and I knew something wasn't right. Her breathing was fast and when I asked her if she was ok, she said 'no.'

Fast forward to the ER. She was scared and so I held her hand, hugged her, and tried to distract her when it was time for the IV. I marveled at how close and connected I felt toward her.

"Are you a friend or a relative?" the nurses asked. Both are true in a way, but I told them I was her friend.

It was a late night, but God gave me a gift! Do you want to hear what it was??

Well, over two years ago, there was this little guy (although he wasn't so little!) who joined our family for only one week. Despite that short amount of time, I really connected with him and will always have a soft place in my heart for C. I had been thinking of him and wondering how he was doing.

I was in the ER room with David's birth mom when all of the sudden, this little boy fell in front of the door. I got up to look and did a double take. Could it be? Yes! He was with his grandmother who had no idea who I was, but I asked her, "Is this C?" She said yes and I explained how I knew him - vaguely.

I talked with him for a while, got him to smile and couldn't stop smiling myself after I said goodbye. Is that cool or what? I mean, what are the chances that we would be at the same hospital at the same time and that he would just happen to fall in front of our room....

God is so good.

A good friend of mine and another woman who also cares for David's birth mom kindly took my place at a late hour so that I could go home and sleep for a few hours before leaving for work.

I wanted to stay, but I knew that today I needed to be somewhat rested and emotionally stable as we had a meeting for (A) at social services.

Then tomorrow is the IF YOU WERE MINE Adoption Workshop that Family Life is putting on at our church!

I'm so excited to see what God does tomorrow, but at the same time I feel so incredibly exhausted...physically and emotionally. It has been an intense few days and sometimes I just don't feel cut out for it all.

Thankfully, God's power is made perfect in our weakness in order that I can "boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."