First Years

I'm so sorry that I missed it...the first time he smiled, the first time he rolled over, the first time he laughed.

I wish I could have carried him close, snuggled him, keeping him safe and cheering him on as he began to explore the world around him.

I missed out on those first years of Anthony's life and I often forget how important they are.

I have been struggling lately....it is so hard to be patient with him at times...especially when he makes the same mistake over and over and over again. I feel too tired to be creative and think of new solutions.

The thing is, his behavior isn't all that bad (except when he hits David or pees all over the bathroom floor). It is the little things that push my buttons when we are with each other all day. The non-stop talking and noise making, the arguing, the constant questioning, the interrupting....

Sometimes I wonder how things would be different if we had those first years together.

But then I realize, he was shaped by those first years...the good and the hard. I love him and his non-stop, outgoing, spunky personality is what makes him Anthony.

And so I pray for patience and for the ability to show him unconditional love while maintaining boundaries.

One thing about Anthony is that every day is a brand new day for him...he rarely remembers or dwells on what has happened in the past. Yes, it is part of the reason he forgets things every. single. day., but it is also the reason he has such a cheerful disposition.

I hope that tomorrow I can wake up with that same attitude!